Anatomy of Woman -1

"I needed medical help desperately. As one of my lover had badly hurt me. I was bleeding profusely from my private parts. But no doc was willing to see me."
"I begged. I cried. I even offered them double the money they would take for consultation. But they would look at me and turn there face. I am just as human as you are. So why such discrimination?" The speaker spoke with urgency and pain in his voice.

There was pin drop silence in a small crowd of 30/35 people who were specially invited by my artist friend. I could not take eyes of the speaker as he narrated the woes of a woman in sex trade. Dressed in a richly brocade sari, with jewelry suitable for a bridal decor, Pandurang the speaker looked no less than a bride. A very dark tone of his skin complimented the glitter of the brocade. His raspy tone was the only give away of his gender.
Pandurang means Krishna , the dark god. Pandurang is a cross dresser male sex worker. Born to a sex worker mother, Pandurang grew up in the ghettos of red light area in Sangli village. “ My mother never wanted me to be a sex worker. But I chose to be one” He admitted to the crowd with a emphatic smile. At a very young age he experienced the discrimination of a woman and a sex worker's world. His mother toiled day in a day out to keep him in the school. But tired of discrimination,prejudice and humiliation being named as sex worker's child, Pandurang turned to the only world od sex trade to seek solace and comfort. But why he chose to be a woman and a sex worker? Asked a guest in the audience. “ I am a woman” pat came the answer.

An awkward silence spread in the audience . Every one seated had only one question in their mind. Is he or she? It was very evident he did not liked to be addressed as male. Pandurang was his birth name but operated by a female name( I have forgotten his female name).

A friend besides me just leaned on me and whispered “Isn't he more woman than us?” “Indeed” I retorted. I was still gawking at him to measure his feminine candor. Was he just pretending to act female like an actor? What makes him a woman?

I again scanned Pandurang from head to toe. His appearance was of an impeccably dressed Indian woman. A highly decorated bindi on the forehead matched the brocade of his sari. His nails were painted in bright red nail paint and so was his toes. He was tall at 5'8” inches and wore an inch high heeled sandals. “ I can walk with grace with heeled sandals” he had explained with a smile. He was fully aware that every gesture is being scrutinized judged and questioned. He did not feel offended by such questions as if he came fully prepared for such scrutiny. And he answered all the questions with all honesty.

“Well this is choice I have made. Because this is what I love to be. A woman and a sex worker. Government did try to change our ways and even gifted us with cows so can we can earn a living. But I don't want to be a farmer . I love all the pleasure of my trade. And I am proud of it. I don't want any sympathy from anyone. I am fighting for my right. I am protesting against the social stigma and discrimination that we face. Every section of the society tries to exploit us and that is what we are objecting. That is what we want you to make aware of her troubles. Not your pity or sympathy. I work for a living like all of you. So why does society treat us like dirt.” His voice did not have any air of apology, for being and doing what he did.
In fact he was proud to be in woman's skin . Happy to be in woman's skin. Suffering the pain in woman's skin.

Every story he told before audience, spoke of of pain and suffering he felt as a woman. There was no doubt in my mind at the end of the meeting SHE is a WOMAN; celebrating a woman's life not just by cross dressing but celebrating its joy and pains. Pandurang had summed the debate for the audience" You cannot learn be a woman because you Know it inside you if you are one or not. '.

well, well!
Simone de Beauvoir seems to be wrong when she said 'One is not born as a woman but made in one'

As I walked out of the building, I thought to myself do I know the anatomy of a woman?


Image courtesy
http://crossdresserindian.blogspot.in/2011/03/chamayavilakku-2010-all-are-males-only.html

(Images are only for a representational value and does not depict the character described in this blog)

Between Life and death: Aruna, Nidhi and a Tsunami

When world plunges in a tragedy like recent tsunami in Japan; where millions of people just vanished from the face of earth, one often falls in a numb silence wondering how to cope with such a tragedy. Indeed, you have never met those people but still the graphic images of death and devastation leaves one with a strange vacuum to deal with your own life.

Every day one stumbles upon tales of life and death. I find story of Aruna and Nidhi and the recent Japanese tsunami in particularly interlinked in a strange quirky way. Because all three stories deal with life and death own their own terms.

I choose to recount two woman's stories becasue their stories speak about the millions of women in India who struggle between life and death. Ironically, both the stories appeared on the 8th of March, a day when world celebrates it as woman's day.

Lets begin with Aruna. Aruna Shanbag is 67 years old woman currently lying in a government hospital bed in a vegetative state for past 37 years. Today she is deaf, dumb, blind and brain dead. She needs to be fed and tended to keep her alive. But this is not the way Aruna was born. 37 years back, Aruna was a lovely vivacious beautiful young nurse of the same hospital. She was was pretty and in love with a doctor whom she was to marry soon. Until a ward boy gagged her with a chain and raped her. Being gagged by a metal chain left her brain dead. She has not spoken a word, moved an inch, seen a sight or been able to hear any sound since then. She is lying in hospital bed in the same vegetative state for past 37 years.

Recently her friend and a well wisher, filed a petition for mercy killing in Supreme Court of India pleading that Aruna should be allowed to die with dignity. On the eve of 7th March Court gave the verdict. Aruna has to live. No matter what she goes through in her life, she cannot be killed.

So Aruna continuous to live. No one knows if she really wants to live or die. Hospital staff who has been tending her for past 37 years say that every moment for Aruna is a struggle. Struggle between life and death. But she has chosen to live. If she wanted to die she would have given up on life long back. It is only her 'will' to live keeps her going, even in this vegetative state.

Lets turn to Nidhi's story. Nidhi Gupta became the front page story on woman's' day becasue she committed suicide on 8th of march. Which also happened to be her 10th wedding anniversary. Nidhi killed herself by jumping from high rise building. But before she jumped to death she also flung her 6 year old son and 3 year old daughter to death.

Nidhi was only 32 years old and qualified chartered accountant working as a guest lecturer in the city college. A modern educated woman qualified to deal with modern life. And yet she chose to end her and her children without putting up a fight to live.

I am not in position to judge either Aruna's choice (?) to life or Nidhi's decision to embrace death. I cannot say if the supreme court has done the right thing by keeping Aruna in a vegetative state till her death was a correct decision or Nidhi who could have walked out on her husband and chosen to defend her own life instead of committing suicide was wrong decision. Life and death are only to positions.

When you ponder upon these two tales one just wonders,why one chose to live and why other preferred to die. What does life and death mean to these two women? Somewhere between these two tales lies the horrific tale of millions of people in Japan who had no choice between death and life. No body asked them if they want to live or die.Some perished, some survived, without their wish.

You again ponder, how will they cope with this? will they choose to kill themselves? or continue to live. You look for answers and seek solace in wise words of Don Juan ..." Life is an endless challenge and challenges possibly cannot be good or bad. Challenges are simply challenges".

And I hope those Japanese who have survived the quake and a tsunami and now a nuclear threat, this is going to be a huge challenge! I wish they will have the strength and courage to deal with this calamity one more time.